


odes

by TheSilverField



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Mentioned Character Death, Minor Spoilers, Poetry, canonverse theme, reincarnation theme
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 10:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13522791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilverField/pseuds/TheSilverField
Summary: a book of odes to the characters of attack on titan





	1. honeysuckle wasteland - bertolt hoover

Bertolt was springtime. 

He was warm sunshine while it rained; 

the pitter patter of silken drops against pine forests and thatched roofs. 

Bertolt was shelter. 

He was early morning dew blanketed over the flowers of the earth, 

emerald fields that smelled of honeysuckle, 

and crystal clear creeks bubbling against weary reeds. 

He was birdsong, 

the tranquility of silence filled with only the sounds of nature. 

Bertolt was peace. 

At peace.

 _Was_.

Bertolt is a storm. 

He  _was_ sunshine, 

but he had been snuffed out by black clouds that crawled up his throat like bile, 

choking out any form of sunlight in his eyes. 

He was no longer the pitter patter of soft spring showers, 

but a tempest of raging wind and booming thunder and pounding sheets of silken drops against pine forests and thatched roofs.

He was no longer birdsong, 

but the ominous cry of a crow's omen call. 

His blue skies turned black, 

not so the moon and stars could light his way home, 

but so the night would swallow his body whole in bewitching shadow. 

Shelter him.

The winds kept the others away, 

but never the ghosts that haunted his waking hours just as much as his nightmares.

The thunder drowned out his screaming, 

his choking sobs, 

his broken pleas for help. 

There was no such thing as peace anymore.

The rushing flood waters swept his dewy footsteps from the earth like he was never there to begin with.

Bertolt is lost.

_Help us. Help us. Help us._

Bertolt is screaming.

_Help us. Help **me.**_

Bertolt is a storm.

_Please... Someone find us..._

An obsidian sky.

A soundless cry.

A honeysuckle wasteland.


	2. a tale of wax wings - erwin smith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> a tale of wax wings, to Erwin Smith, from his departed father.

My son,

with your wax wings not made for flying,

your mind is a lot like mine.

Level.

Unwavering.

The strength of your resolve,

your steadfast ambition,

eyes as blue as a summer sky,

hair as golden as your heart.

Like puzzle pieces taken from my own flesh,

I have passed these trait on to you.

My son,

with your wax wings not made for flying,

your mind is too much like mine.

Stubborn.

Cracking.

The strength of your resolve,

your steadfast ambition,

are carrying you closer and closer to the sun,

You're wings are melting,

but the answers lay there in the sunlight,

and just like me,

you always had to  _know._

Don't look down.

The sea is looming beneath you like the open maw of a great beast,

ready to swallow you whole.

What good will answers do for us now?

My son,

with these wax wings that were meant to carry you to your future,

that were never meant for flying,

these wings have become your downfall.

Just like mine.


	3. crystal queen - annie leonhardt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes to the characters of attack on titan

Dear Annie,

our crystal queen.

our sleeping beauty,

our diamond in the rough.

I hope your rest has been peaceful,

you're dreams as sweet as the innocence of adolescence,

but it's time, my dear, to wake up.

Dear Annie,

we miss your diamond eyes.

Your duty may have been to bring walls down, 

but it seems you've only put more up.

You've locked yourself away in your prismatic prison,

concealed yourself in the reflection of multicolored light,

when all you feel inside is darkness.

You've shielded your body from the rest of the world,

closed yourself off from those who intend to harm you,

but those who are meant to protect you are waiting in the wings.

They miss you, Annie.

They miss your diamond eyes.

Wake up.

Dear Annie,

When will you realize that you are not made from diamonds,

that your skin is not as thick as it seems,

but that you are forged from glass.

Blown and sculpted into the woman you are now.

How much longer until you begin to crack?

Shatter, Annie.

Rebuild yourself.

Wake up.

Dear Annie,

our crystal queen,

our sleeping beauty,

our hourglass running out.

I hope that your rest has been peaceful,

that the nightmares of what you've done cannot reach you,

but it's time, my dear, to wake up.

We miss you, Annie.

We miss your diamond eyes.


	4. the lovely bones - eruri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> a poem dedicated to Erwin Smith, written from the perspective of Levi Ackerman.

In the years we have known each other,

I have told you many things.

I told you I would follow you,

wherever that leads,

and I did.

I told you I would protect you,

shelter you,

hold your life much dearer than my own,

and I did.

Of course I did.

You are my irreplaceable existence.

My moon and stars when darkness creep in to shroud me in shadow,

My song and dance when life becomes too quiet,

too dull.

You laughter is sunshine,

your smile my reason to keep fighting,

and your heartbeat more precious than the sapphires in your eyes.

You are my everything.

You were.

I can only hope you felt the same for me.

I told you I would come back to you,

to your lovely bones.

That I would bury you in the sweetness of summertime.

That I would plant you into the ground surrounded by flowers,

because after all the death and destruction we've seen,

you deserve to dance with death where tiny lives thrive.

I told you I would come back to you,

to your lovely bones,

and I did.

There was only one thing I never told you.

One thing that I kept in my mind like I was saving it for a rainy day.

One thing that I sheltered and nursed like a newborn baby,

kept near and dear to my heart as if someone would steal it away,

stayed awake countless nights thinking about if you would reciprocate or reject.

One thing,

that I never said,

that echoes now in the depths of my soul.

In our many years of knowing each other,

I have told you many things.

But there's one thing I never got to say,

that I never took the opportunity to confess,

that I mean with all my heart.

Erwin.

I love you.


	5. you are my insomnia - ereri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> a reincarnation themed ode, to eren jaeger. written from the perspective of levi ackerman.

You are a thief in the night.

You come to me in dreams,

in nightmares,

and steal away my ability to sleep peacefully.

I see your face,

remember bright eyes that mirror the color of the ocean as it reflects beams of sunlight dancing on its glistening surface.

I remember deep brown hair,

cropped short,

grown out long,

tied back,

tangled in my fingers.

I remember how strong your body was,

how hard your muscles were,

but how I could have laid on top as if you were made of clouds and stroked your soft tan skin forever.

I remember your voice,

how it pulled me from my darkest moments,

how it called to me,

resonating.

Still, it resonates.

It calls me from my nightmares.

Damn you.

You are a thief in the night.

You wake me from my sleep,

call me from my dreams,

my nightmares,

and I lie awake.

Hours.

Of course, I try.

But  _you._

You phantom,

lingering in the shadows when you should be lying next to me.

Pressed to me.

Held in my arms.

You are never silent,

never loud.

Never here,

never really there,

I am lost.

You figment of imagination.

You unanswered prayer.

You forgotten reverie.

You unsolved mystery.

_Who are you?_

As I ask myself this question,

every night,

I remember that the answer lingers in the hollow, throbbing chambers of my heart.

Eren.

You are a thief in the night.

You come to me in dreams,

in nightmares,

and steal away my ability to sleep peacefully.

You are my insomnia.

And when I find you,

I will be your's.


	6. ghost - ereri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> a reincarnation themed ode, to levi ackerman. written from the perspective of eren jaeger.

Ghost,

Dweller of the Shadows,

my Midnight Memory,

I remember your name.

I remember how sweet it tasted on my tongue,

and oh, how sweet it tastes even now.

I remember your eyes that shined like silver stars suspended in obsidian galaxies.

I remember your hair,

soft like silk and as dark as a raven’s feathers.

I remember fair, porcelain skin.

A voice deep and smooth,

commanding and crude,

lovely and soft.

You were a masterpiece,

a puzzle I knew how to put together and take apart.

You were a menagerie of irony,

a collection of contradictions,

the personification of paradoxes.

I found you.

You're near me.

But being near you isn't enough.

Being near you is taking a thousand daggers to the heart.

It’s so close, but too far.

Being near you is waking up from a dream I can’t remember.

I want to remember.

It’s seeing your smile in someone else’s,

hearing your voice in someone else’s,

feeling your touch when there is no one to feel.

I remember you, my ghost,

from times of blood and death.

Don't you remember me?

Levi,

I am lonely.

I can't stand to be near you if near is all I can be.

You are still a masterpiece,

my masterpiece,

I still know how to put you together,

how to take you apart.

I found you.

I love you.

I'm here.

Levi.

I am so lonely,

and being near you just isn’t good enough.

Not when I remember what it’s like to die in your arms.


	7. the violet hour - jeanmarco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> written from the perspective of jean kirstein, dedicated to his dearly lost love, marco bodt.

Here, at sunset, I think of you.

I always think of you,

But it is when the sky turns a light shade of purple,

That the violet hour strikes,

That my mind becomes too foggy to think of anything else but you.

You loved sunset.

You loved the smell of lavender flowers,

Loved the way their soft petals tickled your skin as I handed you a bouquet,

Loved the way they looked in the fading light of dusk,

The rising light of dawn.

You said they bloomed in the windows of your old home,

That they reminded you of your mother,

That they scented your childhood,

And so I found them for you any chance I had.

I would have planted fields of lavender for you,

Of violets,

Of purple petaled flowers that you loved so much.

I still will.

If fate is kinder to me than to you,

I still will.

You loved sunset.

You loved the streaks of golden yellow,

Of orange and pink,

But something happened to your eyes when you caught a glimpse of purple.

The violet hour would strike,

And I swear I had never seen you smile so brightly.

Your eyes were drenched in the rawness of awe,

You were beautiful.

Where is that smile?

Where are those eyes?

What I wouldn’t give to see you again,

To give you a bouquet of lavender and violets,

Of wisteria and hydrangea,

Foxglove and wild hyacinth.

I would build you a kingdom of flowers,

An eternal violet hour,

If only you would come back.

When I went to your old home, there were blossoms in the windows,

Your mother could have kept them alive with the tears she shed for you.

I smelled the scent of your childhood,

Reminded myself of a life lost too soon,

And I wept with her.

If you were a flower,

I could have kept you alive with the tears I have shed for you.

I could have revived a life lost too soon.

You loved sunset,

That precious violet hour.

I never realized how much it meant to me,

Until I lost you.


	8. fool for love - springles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan

She’s bright yellow sunflowers on a hot summer’s day.

She’s lovely;

A breath of fresh air when oxygen doesn’t quite seem to reach my lungs.

When the world and it’s troubles turn into a weight I can’t handle on my own,

She’s the hands that reach over to remind me that I’m not alone,

She’s the voice that whispers sweet reassurances.

“ _It’s okay,”_ she says.

_“Everything’s going to be okay.”_

She’s the existence of light itself.

She’s happiness and laughter,

Warm hugs and lazy Sundays,

She’s serious when most needed,

But always remembers and reminds that life is worth living to the fullest.

She’s encouragement.

She’s smart,

She’s silly,

She is so beautiful,

And I am a fool.

A fool for her.

She is a golden dawn,

The pulse of a newborn day as light beams on the horizon.

She’s my best friend.

She is unconditional love,

And I'm a fool for love.

She deserves more.

She is haunted.

She’s the hollow halls of a house left behind,

The absence of laughter in the dead of night,

She is a reminder unto herself that all good things can never last,

She has been torn apart time and time again.

Ghosts of her past try to whisper that she is nothing,

That she was born nothing,

That she will die nothing,

But she’s my everything.

We are both haunted.

We have both been torn apart time and time again.

But we’re alive.

 _“I’m here,”_ she says.

_“I’m still here.”_

I’m here too.

But the best part about it,

“ _I love you,”_ she says.

Is that she’s mine.


	9. brother, bear it all - zeke jaeger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan

Brother,

Bear it all.

The weight of the world is placed on your shoulders,

I’m so sorry.

I wish you were given a choice,

That we were both given a choice,

But fate and misfortune go hand in hand.

Tell me,

What do you see when you look at me?

An enemy?

A demon?

A beast?

Can you not see the same blood pulsing through my veins as your’s?

His blood.

Do you see my mother?

A woman who was never given a choice,

Who only wished to love and be loved in return,

Who had met a demise unbefitting to her precious life.

I can see your’s.

I wish that I couldn’t.

Brother,

Bear it all.

We may have been born to different mother’s,

May not have lived the same life,

Experienced the same hardships,

But we have felt the same loss.

Are we still not the same?

Our lives,

However short they may be,

However cursed we may be,

Are interwoven like the fraying threads of an old quilt.

I may be a demon,

A beast,

But I do not wish to be your enemy.

I was never given a choice,

He never gave us a choice.

We were never blessed to decide our fate,

Misfortune runs in the family,

But I suppose you already know that much.

Brother,

I do not want to bear it all.

I do not wish to be your enemy.

Please.

Bear it with me.

Don't make me your enemy.


	10. healing hands / fortunate son - eren jaeger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.

I was born from hands that were meant to heal.

Meant to nurture,

Meant to eradicate disease,

Meant to keep clean and save lives.

I was born with healing hands,

With careful, steady hands,

But I have only filthied them,

Stained them with scarlet.

These hands,

Calloused and rough,

Slender and warm,

Careful and steady,

Have forgotten their purpose.

_ I _ have forgotten their purpose.

Somewhere down the line,

Their meaning had changed,

Because my meaning changed.

I was no longer a fortunate son,

No longer had the hands of a healer,

I was too stained.

I thought about cutting these hands away,

Carving into my flesh to remove the dead cells so that new ones could be born,

But it wouldn’t matter,

Because the filth will always come back.

The blood staining my skin cannot be washed away,

It cannot be painted over,

It cannot be replaced,

These filthy hands can never be replaced.

I wonder, 

If he could see our struggle,

Would he still force his sons to suffer?

Would he still subject us to the fates of monsters?

Would he still brand us with this filthy legacy of murder?

Would he still think he was doing the right thing?

Would he still tell me that I was born for this?

That  _ this  _ is my purpose.

I don’t know.

I am no longer a fortunate son.

I no longer have the hands of a healer.

My fate is not mine to decide,

And I don’t know my purpose.

Someone,

_ Anyone, _

Please.

_ What is my purpose? _

It is not so easily found in the bottom of glass bottles,

Of iron flasks,

Of gilded steins,

The stinging taste of alcohol can only numb the pain so much,

It can only help me forget,

Enveloping my mind in putrid smog that is too thick to navigate.

I do not want your memories, 

But I want to remember.

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

I want to remember what I'm fighting for.

I want to remember the taste of freedom.

I want to remember the eyes of the woman who looked at me like I was the world.

I was her fortunate son,

Born from greatness.

Mother,

I'm sorry,

I want to remember.

But I have only fallen further from grace.


	11. empty spaces / beautiful boy - nameless mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> written from the perspective of the unnamed mother in episode one, to her son Moses.

To my son,

Moses,

My beautiful boy.

Life is as dull and cold without you as winter’s dusk.

Spaces that were once filled by you,

By your liveliness,

Your laughter,

Are now far too empty.

This house is far too empty.

I remember the day I found out about the beginnings of your life well,

My hair was far less grey,

My skin young and smooth,

Your father was there.

We were overcome with the spirit of joy,

The sun seemed brighter,

And we counted down the days until you made your arrival in this world.

Empty spaces were nonexistent,

Our lives were complete,

Our hearts full.

You were a quiet baby,

It could’ve been easy to forget your presence if we didn’t love you so much.

I stood over your crib to watch you sleep,

Wiped your tears when you were fussy,

Fed you from my own body,

I showed you all the love I possibly could.

I tried.

That’s all a mother can do.

Try.

I loved holding you,

Cradled you to my chest as if my arms alone could protect you from the evils of the world.

Your tiny weight filled a once empty space there,

And I can’t thank you enough for that.

Moses,

Beautiful boy,

You grew up far too fast.

I remember the day you made up your mind to join the Scouting Legion well,

Silver streaks were beginning to bless my hair,

My skin just beginning to crease has my body became timeworn,

Your father was no longer there.

I was ridden with fear,

Anxiety wrapped it’s cold fingers around my throat and squeezed,

But I had faith in you.

You left that night, 

The world seemed darker,

And I counted down the days until you would come back home.

Silence watered and warmed the empty spaces like the flowers in the kitchen window for years,

They wilted and died some time ago,

But I can’t bring myself to throw them out.

Not since you gave them to me.

Not just yet.

I need more time.

Your letters kept me from being too lonely,

My heart was still full,

But it’s too quiet.

On the day you said you would return, I was there,

Pushing through the streets,

Calling your name,

But I couldn’t find you.

I found your Commander instead,

Asked him where you were,

And he gave you back.

A piece of you,

Swaddled in cloth like a newborn baby.

I cradled you to my chest once again,

As if my feeble arms could protect you from the evils of this world.

They couldn’t.

Of course they couldn’t.

I tried,

But I wasn’t enough.

That’s all a mother can do.

Try.

Moses,

Beautiful boy,

There are far too many empty spaces.

They could easily be filled by you,

If you would have only come back home.


	12. you're in my veins like fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> written in levi's perspective, for eren.

You’re in my veins like fire,

Raging and burning,

Bright and careless.

Like a wildfire you are all-consuming.

You’re flames have scorched my skin,

Have swallowed me whole,

And I am endlessly burning for you.

I love the burn.

Like a campfire you have been my biggest comfort.

Your blazing ardor is soft,

You are warmth found beneath a blanket of stars,

You are light that never goes out.

I love your light.

I am no victim to your blaze,

But rather an admirer.

A lover.

When you’re skin is on mine,

I lose my breath from the sting of your embers.

I breathe you in like smoke,

You fill my lungs,

And it hurts,

But I love it.

I need it.

The way I love you is painful,

It burns,

Because you are like fire.

I am not afraid of your flames,

Of what they have done or will do to me,

I only fear what they are doing to you,

Because I know.

I know that one day your own fire will devour you,

And for the first time,

I can only hope that I am enough,

To put you out.

_I can’t._


	13. two-faced - reiner braun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan.
> 
> for reiner braun.

Reiner,

Warrior,

Soldier.

Who are you this time?

Ally,

Traitor,

_ (First there were three.) _

You are two sides of the same coin.

If we flip you,

Which face will you land on today?

Lover,

Fighter.

You are both the beauty and the beast,

Your heart the cursed rose,

Wilting,

Dying with every lie leaving your forked tongue.

Protector,

Murderer,

_ (Then there were two.) _

What,

Who,

Do you see when you look in the mirror?

Do you see the blood of your fallen comrades,

Your enemies,

Staining your skin slick with scarlet?

Do you see the tears of loved ones left behind,

Trailing saltwater scars down your body like raindrops?

This can’t be what you wanted.

_ (Then there was one.) _

Reiner,

Warrior, soldier,

Who are you,

One coin,

Two sides,

Ally, traitor,

Wilting,

Lover, fighter,

Dying,

One man,

Two faces,

Protector, murderer,

Friend, enemy,

Alone.

Broken.

You were once strong enough to hold those around you together,

But you forgot about your own shattered pieces.

Reiner,

This can’t be what you wanted.


	14. a hundred and five - sasha braus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a book of odes dedicated to the characters of attack on titan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS ODE CONTAINS SPOILERS FROM CHAPTER 105. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO READ ABOUT SPOILERS, CLICK AWAY.

There are a hundred and five things I’d like to tell you.

A hundred and five.

The number of our last goodbye,

A tribute,

A eulogy smoldering in anger too scorching to put out with our mournful tears.

You were beloved,

A friend to so many,

You were the sun shining in the black of a midnight sky,

Always so bright.

You’re story reached its end too soon,

A half-finished work,

A sentence running off its pressed page,

We shouldn’t have had to say goodbye.

What was done to you was cruel.

You were used as a gag,

A last laugh,

So many times that many couldn’t care less when your own laughter was cut short.

Your humanity was stripped away from you,

Instead of character development,

You became comedic relief.

You were given one chapter, 

One episode,

One chance to prove yourself worthy,

To prove yourself strong,

Only to be erased from the page,

Removed from the narrative,

Like you never mattered.

But you did.

In the heartbroken faces of your comrades,

On their tear-stained cheeks,

In their hollow eyes,

In their cracking glass hearts,

In their desperate cries for you to come back,

Sasha, please come back,

Because you did matter.

In the leaden lamentations of thousands across a cyber space,

You did matter.

You were more than lines on a page,

More than what meets the eye,

More than a food-crazed, silly little girl.

You were so much more than how we see you.

You deserved more time than what you were given.

In this world,

Life is fleeting,

But we never wanted you to be.

There are too many things I want to tell you,

I wish I could tell you,

A hundred and five,

A cursed number.

But I’ll settle for these few,

Because they’re the most important.

You’re not a burden.

You’re strong.

You’re special.

You’re more than words can ever say.

We love you.

And Sasha,

You will be dearly missed.


End file.
